CDL TOP TEN
With Christmas right around the corner (and with Evan Sanchez commenting that I need to do a new dodgeblog post) It’s time for a festive update.
THE TOP TEN ITEMS ON MY DODGEBALL WISHLIST
10. Real Golden Dodgeballs- Congratulations, league fees have just gone up to $10,000 per team.
9. SUPER DODGEBALL on the SNES- No this game doesn’t exist. If it did we would’ve never made a league.
8. A New CDL Party Song- Because the one we have has too many words.
7. The return of the CDL Short Shorts Award- This one time award was rewarded to Jay of the Balls Axe in Season 2. This one is somewhat controversial. Is it a prize for who is wearing the shortest shorts? Who looks the best in their short shorts? Who has the best looking short shorts? And how does one award just one of the tremendous asses in our league?
6. CDL on Sportsnet- Imagine coming home from the bar late on a Wednesday Night. You flop your drunk ass on the couch, turn on your TV and watch the highlights from all 5 CDL gyms. Don Taylor provides witty commentary and they turn it over to the CDL Insider’s panel for insight and analysis. And you think your girlfriend gets mad at you for watching Canucks’ highlights over and over…
5. Designer Knee Pads- Everybody in the league wears one of two different types of kneepads: boring white and boring black. Wouldn’t it be awesome if someone made pads in red, orange, or green? Or even better, sweet designs and pictures professionally made into the pads. A dodgeballer’s kneepads should be as unique and awesome as a hockey goalie’s mask.
4. Instant On-Court Video Replay- Because I KNOW I just hit that guy!!!
3. Super Powers- Has anybody ever had that fantasy where they can slow down time in order to dodge everything coming at them like it’s the Matrix? No?? I’m a nerd.
2. The Dodgeball Arena- When I win the Lotto Max $50 million I’m going to build a massive 8 court dodgeball stadium. There will be an upstairs bar/viewing area (like at a curling rink, but with more party), walled off courts and it will NEVER be closed. Teams will be able to schedule in practice times and I will live in a bungalow above the bar. Yes, I’ve had a lot of time to think about this.
1. For January 9 to hurry up and be here- Because it’s been just one week without dodgeball and I’m already losing my shit. Good thing the tournament is coming up next weekend!!