Hey all! Steve here, the less beardy but (hopefully) more adorable of your two Executive Directors, with your Season 21 playoff predictions! With the league only featuring 36 teams instead of 40 this season, I was wondering if we might see a bigger skill gap between teams. I’m happy to report that it’s actually the complete opposite! The lower tiers especially are looking stronger than ever, and it made these picks pretty darn difficult!
As always, CDL mascot Pushy the Party Penguin has also shoved his way into the conversation, offering his own avian-friendly picks!
L is for Party Tier
Finals: Free Agents (1) def. The Rebel Alliance (4)
The Rebel Alliance have proven themselves to be playoff powerhouses in recent seasons, winning two championships across three trips to the finals. Their ability to find that extra drive in the post-season will take them to the big match yet again. Unfortunately, that’s where their journey will end, when they come face-to-face with first season phenoms the Free Agents.
The athletic Agents will overpower their veteran opponents, making the Rebel Alliance look a lot more like rebel scum.
Pushy the CDL Party Penguin’s Party Pick: Here for the Beer. Does this team have any setting OTHER than party? Pushy is a hipster at heart and says that he really likes their PBR-inspired duds.
Dark Horse: The Sitting Ducks. You know what they say, the sitting duck is the most dangerous. Or something like that? Despite their modest seeding, there’s some real underrated skill on this roster – Matt Joyner has recently been spotted cleaning house on a 1v4!
D is for Party Tier
Finals: The Tragically Hit (2) def. Port Moody Jabronis (4)
The Tragically Hit are a team that has historically struggled to find consistency. However, a combination of their high seeding and the spirit of Gord Downie will propel them to the big match. In the finals they’ll meet one of CDL’s poster children for party power, the Port Moody Jabronis, in a battle of national pride vs. municipal pride. The Hit are their own Poets though, finding the Courage to Fully Completely take home the title of D tier champs.
Pushy’s Pick: Legendary Fight! With Shia LaBeouf. Pushy admitted to me that this pick is purely based on the hope that Shia googles his own name, finds this post, and shows up at the playoffs.
Dark Horse: Double Throw. If former A tier mainstays Jon Arnuco and Pookie Jr. can shake that pesky PWNies curse, this team could go all the way.
C is for Party Tier
Finals: Awkward Turtles (1) def. Bayside Tigers (4)
The Bayside Tigers are a CDL mainstay – while their roster has seen a lot of turnover in the last few seasons, it still features a wealth of experience, which can be invaluable in the playoffs. This experience will take them all the way to the finals, but this simply won’t be enough for them to crack the Awkward Turtles, who bump them down to the losers bracket before ousting them for good in the grand finals, thanks in no small part to their high-pressure play style.
Pushy’s Pick: The Blue Ballers. Pushy was conflicted about this one, because while he will always love The Blue Ballers, he’s also not sure if he wants to see them win another championship. After 20 minutes of deep penguin thought, he said to me, “Party always wins.”
Dark Horse: One Shot. This season’s Most Improved Team could cap off their big season with a surprising win from the fifth seed. Clutch catcher Amanda Hehr made some massive progress over the summer, and that could be their ticket to a Golden Dodgeball!
Finals: Double Dash!! (3) def. The Fruit Baskets (5)
In this depressing reality, playoff spectators are faced with the rock-and-a-hard-place conundrum of seeing either new-baby-daddy Kristian Anthony or soon-to-be-baby-daddy Rob Girard take home another championship. In a grueling two-set finals, Rob will show that despite dropping the pounds, he just can’t stop being dead weight. The Fruit Baskets will be finished like a delicious Booster Juice Brazilian Thunder smoothie, and Kristian will (for now) answer the question of whose dad would win in a fight.
Pushy’s Pick: My Vagina Is… I tried to ask Pushy why he chose them, but all I got out of him was a giggle fit when I said “vagina”. Pushy is a child.
Dark Horse: Mariner Brewing. This team features two of the strongest arms in the league in Dalton brothers Mike and Nathan, both potentially gamebreaking talents. Perhaps they can power their way to a victory keg stand?
Finals: Bromageddon (1) def. Red Pandas (3)
Bromageddon comes into these playoffs with a pretty sizeable lead in the wins column, and their dominance continues on through the post-season. Spectators will wonder why they’re not named “Bearmageddon,” as their playoff path will feature stops against both Pandaphonyum and Koalified before meeting the Red Pandas in the finals.
The Red Pandas, despite being worthy competitors, will come into the finals fatigued from playing an extra 3 sets in the losers bracket. That extra court time will be their downfall, as they lose to Bromageddon in one set of 5 hard-fought games.
Pushy’s Pick: Pandaphonyum. Last season, Pushy chose PANDAMONIUM! I’m not entirely convinced that he just doesn’t realize that they’re different teams. He sees black-and-white and it’s all heart eyes from there.
Dark Horse: All Aboard the CV Train. It really says something about the parity in the A tier this season when a team that has Chris freaking Vallance on it is considered a dark horse. I’m stoked for this tier’s playoffs, and you should be too.